sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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