her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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