Christians are straight up FREAKS
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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