Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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