yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
