I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
