do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
