I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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