I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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