Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
