I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
there is puke in my bra ... again
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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