It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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