It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
