My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
