Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
