i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
