She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
They are going to name an STD after you.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
