did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
