My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
