Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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