Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
