Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Randomize
