ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
