gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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