Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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