lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
