I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I woke up under a house in Key West
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