I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
