when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
