he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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