you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
this boner is exhausting
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Everclear isn't food dammit
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
