Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I deserve this hangover.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
