your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
