hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
