I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
