This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
