you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
