I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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