if you like me you must not know who I am
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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