Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
