he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
