Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
