Where did you get a picture of my penis
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Sorry about my life...
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
