Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
