no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
