i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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