end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
