so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
