I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
you had me at cake vodka
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
