Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
