Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
