Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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