I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
