I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
