and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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