I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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