I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
