The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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