their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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