Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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