She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
