I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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