I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
