Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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