girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
