you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
