this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
