what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
