he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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