My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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