Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
