She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
