Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
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