what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
