Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
