Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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