Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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