He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
