my mouth tastes like poor choices
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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