Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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