Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
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