That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
