i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
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