Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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