I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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