dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
