You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
