Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
