So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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