Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
