I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
